On Second Thought is a weekly feature that takes a lighthearted look at current events.
Casual observers may wonder whether Americans are being redundant by designating a specific month for madness. First it was “fiscal cliff January,” then “sequestration February” and now “March madness.” I’m just hoping we’re still around for the dog days of summer. White House staffers reportedly had to convince the president he no longer needed to pick Ohio State or a Michigan school in his bracket in order to win votes. Some people say the NCAA basketball tournament unites the nation as no other event can. This is true. Just look at how people united last week to hate the Harvard team for ruining everyone’s brackets. Tired of trying to work out a budget deal between Republicans and Democrats, President Obama decided to take on something simpler last week — peace between Israelis and Palestinians. The president urged Israelis and Palestinians to return to negotiations with few, if any, pre-conditions, other than that the standard one that the rich need to pay more. Retired basketball star Dennis Rodman told a reporter last week that North Korean leader Kim Jong Un has a daughter — something previously unknown and possibly a state secret. So much for the plans to develop a nuclear missile that would kill all Americans except Rodman. Never trust a state secret to a guy who wears dresses and colors his hair before every game. Rodman visited the brutal dictator last month. "I love him," he said. "The guy's really awesome." He probably says that about all the despots. Word is the folks in Cyprus are trying to come up with a new cliché to replace, “You can bank on it.” Americans scoff at the Cypriot proposal to tax money held in bank savings accounts. In this country, as any politician knows, you grab the money before people have a chance to put it in the bank. Experts warned that Cyprus’ failed attempt to tax bank accounts might even keep Americans from depositing their hard-earned savings. Actually, microscopic interests rates have already accomplished that. Scientists say they have found evidence to support the theory that the universe was once smaller than an atom, but that it exploded and expanded in an instant. Kind of makes you wary of sitting next to an atom, or something smaller, during dinner, doesn’t it? Scientists call this sudden big bang “inflation,” because it’s so similar to what will happen one day if the government keeps pumping billions a month into Treasuries and mortgage backed securities. Gov. Gary Herbert vetoed a bill that would have made it legal to carry a concealed weapon in Utah without a permit. Easy for him to do, he has armed guards. All I can say is, if the Girl Scouts had been carrying concealed weapons last week, a thief never would have gotten away with stealing their money from a table outside a Wal-mart. "On Second Thought" is a weekly feature that takes a lighthearted look at news of the day.
"On Second Thought" is a weekly series of brief and lighthearted observations of current events.
"On Second Thought" is a weekly series of brief and lighthearted observations of current events.
So far, President Obama has filled up his second-term cabinet mostly with white men. He would pick some women, but they’re all still in Mitt Romney’s binders. ❑ ❑ ❑ Meanwhile, during last week’s inaugural address, someone apparently accidentally loaded the president’s teleprompter with an old campaign speech given in Ohio. ❑ ❑ ❑ President Obama’s speech echoed the inaugurations of great past presidents, with only slight variations. “With malice toward none,” for instance, became, “With malice toward none except those who want to cut entitlements.” ❑ ❑ ❑ President Kennedy’s words were modified to, “Ask not what your country can do for you. If you’re rich, here’s what you can do for your country.” ❑ ❑ ❑ Later, controversy erupted when critics accused the president of having lip-synced his speech. ❑ ❑ ❑ Last week, the government announced it was lifting the ban on women soldiers serving in combat roles. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton celebrated by lobbing grenades at Republicans in Congress. ❑ ❑ ❑ When asked by Congress to explain her role in the tragic attack on the U.S. consulate in Benghazi, Libya, Mrs. Clinton explained in detail that she had never heard of the place. ❑ ❑ ❑ Utahns everywhere are marking an annual event filled with drama, suspense and frequent comedic relief. No, not the Sundance Film Festival. I’m talking about the annual session of the state Legislature. ❑ ❑ ❑ State lawmakers are licking their chops at the chance to pass bills that send a message to those scoundrels in Washington. Back in Washington, meanwhile, some low-level bureaucrat is preparing room for these messages in a warehouse near the Postal Service’s dead letter collection. ❑ ❑ ❑ In an interview with Katie Couric last week, Notre Dame football star Manti Te’o assured Americans that from now on he will date only real girls, as approved by his 6-foot rabbit friend, Harvey. ❑ ❑ ❑ Northern Utahns learned last week that nature has a sense of humor. Why else would people look forward to relief from a relentless choking fog and then get hit with freezing rain? ❑ ❑ ❑ I don’t know whether Utah will ever host another Olympics, but during Thursday’s storm I saw a sedan do a triple Salchow on the freeway. ❑ ❑ ❑ Jay Evensen is the associate editor of the Deseret News editorial page. Follow him on Twitter @jayevensen.
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Ha! Ha! Ha!Everyone likes to laugh. Some of us even like to groan occasionally. Well, you've come to the right place. "On second thought" is a weekly feature I produce for the Deseret News, available on Mondays. But here you can read them as I think of them. Archives
February 2020
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